Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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