Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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