my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
