wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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