nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
