She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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