I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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