Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
