I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
