he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
