my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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