Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize