I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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