I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
