if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how can u be prego again
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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