I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize