after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
