you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
