hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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