Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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