We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
