I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize