im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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