Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What drink are we having for lunch?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
soo... how was my night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
