I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Houston, we have a squirter
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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