I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
