Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
there is glitter all over my balls
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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