Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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