I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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