the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
