I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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