i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
