i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
