I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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