tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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