did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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