I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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