she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
