So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
