You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
