I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
