He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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