Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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