How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
