I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
