You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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