new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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