Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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