Don't you send me to vm
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
