Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
