Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Someone shit on the floor
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
