Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
