so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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