some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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