so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
