You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
