it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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