I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
