Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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