90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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