ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
porn star boner night. come get it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize