Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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