I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
