this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
