there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
