Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
