She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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