I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
