I think I died a long time ago.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
