I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
