Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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