if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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