All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
