you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Enjoy the penises
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
